i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
