I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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