I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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