So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
