OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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