It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
