Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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