Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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