Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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