he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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