If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Buhtt sex?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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