i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
