I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
