Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
