brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
