So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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