lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
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Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
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So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.