im drinking this country out of the recession.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
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It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
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We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???