Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning