Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.