One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are