Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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