i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
