I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
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He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
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Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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