Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
