I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
false alarm. still invincible.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
