I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
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Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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