Porn is love you can see.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
