I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
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Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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