2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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