just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
