I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I will be naked everywhere
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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