my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
