So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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