Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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