does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
