Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
