It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
