I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
