I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
