did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
