I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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