SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
