Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
