I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
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You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
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I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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