great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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