I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
