When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
