He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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