home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
