You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
