Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
