she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
