My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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