I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
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she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
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Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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