oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
