Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
