i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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