that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
