everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
