genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
