I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
