i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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