if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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