why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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