can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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